Oh fuck.

Take a closer look.....closer....closerrrr.....Is your right arm tingling yet?

FIFTY FUCKING CHICKEN NUGGETS FOR $10.99??? Who in Satan's asshole thought of this? Yo McDonalds, the extreme obesity rate in this country is at a near 30% in every state, 50 mystery bird nuggets for the price of a fucking t-shirt isn't helping.

Best restaurant in the world.

Delicious waffle fries, super-syrup sodas and all white meat, perfectly fried poultry not enough to convince you? Well eat this shit.. Giant bottle of squirtable, individual use Listerine is available in Chik-Filet bathrooms for free AND if you get a little bit on the sides of your mouth, the fully biodegradable, 100% silk 3000 count paper towels to your left will give you a hand job.

Coolest tats ever award goes to...

---The neo-nazi homeless tickle-fiend who hangs out in front of starbucks and passes out for hours at a time in the Florida sun. Seriously though, this man has this tattoo and one on his hip (of all places) that says "WHITE TRASH PRIDE" He wouldn't let me photograph that one because of "FBI man...FBI..."

It exists.

Guess who got her periooooodddddd....

The next young female celebrity sacrifice has been prepared. Give it 3 years and this little shit will be in rehab.

Aw.

Aw fuck guyyyys, Angelina is SOOOO fucking bored with Brad! Angie is SO over him. I mean god, she calls him stupid behind his back??? OMFG he eats like a slob?! ---No fun in bed anymore???

Fuck Brad and his millions of dollars, his consistent humanitarian efforts, his fucking 20 inch dick and totally natural frosted tips....He eats like a fucking dick.

Vampires suck worse than ever.

"Hey I'm fucking 50 years old but I'm staying really super cool still with my Showtime drama shirt about vampires and their life drama."

--If you haven't seen this crock-of-shit of a show, you should at least watch one episode. Its like Dracula bit a bunch of raver kids, produced the killer vamps of blade--they had little pussy vamp babies who infiltrated our high schools to produce Twilight and then one of these little bastards somehow took a trip to the inbred swamps of Louisiana and spread their shitstorm to the worst actors in the area. This yutz hole of a human is a great example of anyone who watches this horrendously scripted, poorly acted, masterbatory aid known as True Blood.

Nothing is hotter...

Nothing is hotter than a stupid, sloppy drunk chick talking on the phone with her "totally crazy ex" while her fucking slob of a friend shouts "lets go get shotssss" as loud as she can, hoping to attract new dick to the situation...

---unless she is fucking PREGNANT. I asked this gross whore when she was expecting and she ACTUALLY REPLIED "Well, I'o'no if imma' keep in now!" and walked away.

Fetal alcohol syndrome folks... I think it's becoming a genetic issue.

FINALLY...

---A place where I can worship m'lord without Haitians fucking it all up.

Some REAL Christian values here..

A whole lot of people believe that Jesus Christ was a "Come one, come all" kind of guy. His church doesn't really share this charitable spirit.

Miami Parking is impossible. Finding a spot across from your local grocery store requires either a car the size of a fucking baby's thumb or the willingness to shell out $20 to a shady retard in a red polo. This church in my neighborhood has a huge parking lot that is never used 6 days out of the week but for some god awful reason no one can park in this acre of concrete unless they sit in church, listen to iron age bullshit and give money to the donation basket.

$20 to the red shirted retard or $20 to the child molester in a stupid hat... Choices.

Just incase you are thinking about parking in the lot, they have this giant mural of Jesus watching over it. The mural is not in the front above the door, it's in the back judging illegal parkers.

Where are these guys when we need them most?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StT5zYtqgTY

--Oh thats right...Jail.