ONLY in Miami...

WTF???

Who gives a shit about shitty stale bread, pressed in a panini grill with 3 cubes of butter in the middle of it all? So i have to buy two boxes of cereal to receive a loaf of Kelloggs cardboard with garlic butter? Stfu Kelloggs, stfu..

Biggest loser for Xbox...

PS, quit playing video games you fat fuck.

Crunchy.

Is it me or is the pretzel-filled M&M also the CRUNCHY M&M?

And furthermore, hasn't the marketing joke for this character been how every other M&M character wants to stuff shit into his asshole?? Sodomy is hilarious and all, but in candy ads?? Seriously watch ANY ad containing this character, post-pretzel, and you will realize that the one-liner that MARS has offered we, consumers, is that everyone wants to fuck the pretzel M&M in the anus...

...What???!

Get ready to Jam...

So now they make footy pj's for the Ed Hardy crowd and you guessed it, they are fucking retarded. Just check out Kurt Kickass on the top right, getting ready to give it his all during band practice, yet still remain cool as a cucumber.

Oops! Trying out for a position in Gwen Stefani's Japanese slave chick brigade? Better get some jammeeerrrrrrrrrrrzzzzzz!

Credit to strtfsn blog for this. I just cant imagine a gustopo policeman in the US, wearing blades and talking about his fav art gallary. Its a wish, but a damn farfetched one.. This guy would be beating a black guy and screaming "faghag" in our country. Viva La Paris.

Annnnnd you're under arrest.

A closer look at this obnoxious asshole's bumper reveals an entire trunk full of half empty liquor bottles. They should have 10-20-LIFE involved for pure stupidity.

Only in Miami..

It's like He-Man from Masters of the Universe had sex with Crocodile Dundee. I'm not sure if these are considered weapons or not, but aside from the stab-factor involved in buying these, you may blind a possible robber if he tries to steal your land of Oz shoes.. Cue "Gasolina".

JUST what I want..

Popcorn Merlot with my dinner please..

Pretty cool photo of baby Jesus, usually he's doing something faggy like taking about armageddon or hanging out on a cross. But here he's all "gimme that milk"and I get it because he's a baby and all......wait a minute...

--Is that fucking white MILK dripping out of Mary's tit?! This is borderline pornographic.

Unnecessary detail. This was hanging in an old folks consignment shop btw.

Miami Fl...

For some reason, I'm not getting a very positive fucking vibration from the douche in the "Positive Vibration" shirt. What on earth does this guy plan to accomplish, wearing this? Blowjobs and free drinks for this guy for brightening everyones day with his sweet and genuine shirt that reminds us all to stay positive and keep a cool head. Asshole.

American fart jokes.

You know the American dream is O-V-E-R when you visit a tropical, beach-side park and a fat fucking ginger family is hanging out there. Ugh. Its like Ronald McDonald molested Sam Kinison in the 1960's, the ass-juice/semen mixture spilled through the cracks of his upstairs loft into the pussy of Rosie O Donnell in the movie "Riding the Bus with my sister" and she birthed the horrible, white trash mother of these two chernobyl kids in a dumpster somewhere. I can't imagine what the "father" of this "family" looks like. He wasn't hanging around, go figure.

--Because every pedophile needs great kicks..

Oh fuck.

Take a closer look.....closer....closerrrr.....Is your right arm tingling yet?

FIFTY FUCKING CHICKEN NUGGETS FOR $10.99??? Who in Satan's asshole thought of this? Yo McDonalds, the extreme obesity rate in this country is at a near 30% in every state, 50 mystery bird nuggets for the price of a fucking t-shirt isn't helping.

Best restaurant in the world.

Delicious waffle fries, super-syrup sodas and all white meat, perfectly fried poultry not enough to convince you? Well eat this shit.. Giant bottle of squirtable, individual use Listerine is available in Chik-Filet bathrooms for free AND if you get a little bit on the sides of your mouth, the fully biodegradable, 100% silk 3000 count paper towels to your left will give you a hand job.

Coolest tats ever award goes to...

---The neo-nazi homeless tickle-fiend who hangs out in front of starbucks and passes out for hours at a time in the Florida sun. Seriously though, this man has this tattoo and one on his hip (of all places) that says "WHITE TRASH PRIDE" He wouldn't let me photograph that one because of "FBI man...FBI..."

It exists.

Guess who got her periooooodddddd....

The next young female celebrity sacrifice has been prepared. Give it 3 years and this little shit will be in rehab.

Aw.

Aw fuck guyyyys, Angelina is SOOOO fucking bored with Brad! Angie is SO over him. I mean god, she calls him stupid behind his back??? OMFG he eats like a slob?! ---No fun in bed anymore???

Fuck Brad and his millions of dollars, his consistent humanitarian efforts, his fucking 20 inch dick and totally natural frosted tips....He eats like a fucking dick.

Vampires suck worse than ever.

"Hey I'm fucking 50 years old but I'm staying really super cool still with my Showtime drama shirt about vampires and their life drama."

--If you haven't seen this crock-of-shit of a show, you should at least watch one episode. Its like Dracula bit a bunch of raver kids, produced the killer vamps of blade--they had little pussy vamp babies who infiltrated our high schools to produce Twilight and then one of these little bastards somehow took a trip to the inbred swamps of Louisiana and spread their shitstorm to the worst actors in the area. This yutz hole of a human is a great example of anyone who watches this horrendously scripted, poorly acted, masterbatory aid known as True Blood.

Nothing is hotter...

Nothing is hotter than a stupid, sloppy drunk chick talking on the phone with her "totally crazy ex" while her fucking slob of a friend shouts "lets go get shotssss" as loud as she can, hoping to attract new dick to the situation...

---unless she is fucking PREGNANT. I asked this gross whore when she was expecting and she ACTUALLY REPLIED "Well, I'o'no if imma' keep in now!" and walked away.

Fetal alcohol syndrome folks... I think it's becoming a genetic issue.

FINALLY...

---A place where I can worship m'lord without Haitians fucking it all up.